2013 Comic Book Superheroes Movie Schedule (also, a nerdy test)

Looking back, 2012 was a Banner year for comic book movies – and I don’t just say that because Mark Ruffalo finally delivered the Hulk of my dreams (Heroic and full of rage! And that hair!).

Any chance 2013 measures up to the likes of The Avengers, The Dark Knight Rises, and The Amazing Spider-Man?

… Probably not. But let’s take a look at what’s on the docket anyway:

As you read through this, you may notice the post is formatted with some weird idiosyncratic tics. I’m running some tests on the code markup and well… this is what it takes. The information here should be good, but honestly there’s a better movie calendar over here. I just don’t want my nerdish code tests to come between us. Not after what we’ve been through together, you and I.

Without further ado…

2013 Comic Book Superhero Movie Schedule

 Iron Man 3

Friday, May 3, 2013 12:00 AM – 2:23 AM

AMC River East 21

322 East Illinois Street, Chicago, IL

Tony Stark goes through some variation of Stark: Disassembled with a decidedly non-Green Mandarin hot on his trail. Also, Iron Patriot armor appears to play some sort of role. This series started off amazingly well, but faltered a little with the still-enjoyable Iron Man 2. I felt a little underwhelmed by the trailer which is often a good thing; no sense in Marvel Studios giving away too much info.

Preemptive Review

[schema type=”review” rev_name=”Iron Man 3″ rev_body=”Not even a last moment outbreak of green skin and wicked Fu Manchu can save the Mandarin from Tony’s righteous wrath. If only it could have saved us the tedious wasted shots of an armor-less Iron Man wandering through the Arctic. ” pubdate=”2013-01-08″ user_review=”6.8″ min_review=”0.0″ max_review=”10.0″ ]

Man of Steel

Friday, June 14, 2013 12:00 AM – 2:07 AM

AMC Lowes 600

600 North Michigan Ave, Chicago, IL

Superman is looking borderline interesting in this Zach Snyder/Chris Nolan-influenced Man of Steel. The universe of the Dark Knight should definitely help America’s favorite illegal alien, and it’s definitely a relief to know this film will not focus on Lex Luthor (if the writer’s name isn’t Grant Morrison, there’s a good chance a Lex-driven movie leaves you wanting). My expectations are still in check, but I think Man of Steel has the most potential to really impress of all the movies this year.

Preemptive Review
[schema type=”review” rev_name=”Man of Steel” rev_body=”For the first time since Superman II (which, let’s face it, ends with a flippin’ kiss of forgetfulness), the Man of Steel makes for quality cinema. General Zod is a devastatingly cruel villain, and Russell Crowe is the man crazy enough to send his infant son on a rocket ship into the void. ” pubdate=”2013-01-08″ user_review=”8.8″ min_review=”0.0″ max_review=”10.0″ ]

The Wolverine

Thursday, July 26, 2013 12:00 AM-1:48 AM

Landmark’s Century Centre Cinema

2828 N. Clark St, Chicago, IL

Up until about 12 minutes ago, I was 98% sure this movie was going to be directed by Darren Aronofsky. Turns out that hasn’t been true for over a year. And you people say I never get out. Regardless, The Wolverine brings Hugh Jackman back as everyone’s favorite French peasant, singing his poor little heart out! Stud director or not, this one literally has to be better than Origins. I’m familiar enough with science to know that for a fact.

Preemptive Review

[schema type=”review” rev_name=”The Wolverine” rev_body=”Wolverine… Japan… and a surprise/yet ultimately predictable Frank Miller cameo as a stabbed tourist! The Wolverine is the surprise superhero success of summer 2013. Hugh Jackman’s sideburns finally gain their long overdue Oscar nomination as a result.” pubdate=”2013-01-08″ user_review=”7.3″ min_review=”0.0″ max_review=”10.0″ ]

Thor: The Dark World

Friday, November 8, 2013 12:00 AM – 1:41 AM

Landmark’s Century Centre Cinema

2828 N. Clark St, Chicago, IL

Really like what Marvel’s doing with Thor directors here. First, Mr. Shakespeare himself, Kenneth Branaugh, and now we get the man who brough us Game of Thrones. Sounds like a winning fit to me, at least for old-timey medievalry and raucous Thor sex (The hammer puns alone will crash Twitter).

Preemptive Review
[schema type=”review” rev_name=”Thor: The Dark World” rev_body=”An unfortunate disappointment, the sequel to 2010’s charming Thor lacks focus, direction, or any kind of coherent plot. Thor finds some extremely clever ways to kill other-worldly creatures, but someone may need to remind Anthony Hopkins he’ll need to wake up before sometime during filming.” pubdate=”2013-01-08″ user_review=”5.8″ min_review=”0.0″ max_review=”10.0″ ]

G.I. Joe Retaliation

Friday, March 29, 2012, 12:00 AM – 1:23 PM

The Pits

124 Harrison St, Chicago, IL

I don’t see any reason to go see this, but it exists. Do yourself a favor and watch the below video 10 times instead.